Archive | April, 2013

Once more unto the skip….says Skip Hunter

30 Apr

Wonderful, creations of beauty, things to delight! This little lot as seen below were due for the crunch until Skip Hunter, hunter of skips or to be more precise the contents thereof chanced upon them and following a bit of negotiation involving a Twix, the large king size variety, they were saved for a more secure future!
Quite what I don’t as yet know but some things are just too intricate and enticing to be junked so I’m thinking of uses on stage or television maybe! Skip Hunter!

Rescued…by Skip Hunter!

Bedford lost a very wonderful character last year, his name was Lenny, he was as old as the hills and he lived out in the sticks in a caravan, a true eccentric. Behind his home was a large barn stuffed to the gunnels with oddities, vintage furniture, a rescued 1960s pub bar and all the optics, mannequins, ornamental lamps, all manner of things, little routes allowed you to work your way round the floor-space which was about the size of a football pitch. It was all salvaged direct from house clearances and council sites. In the corner behind a satin velvet curtain was a darkened room, Lenny turned the very old ornate filament lights on and as my vision adjusted to the half light I found myself standing at the back of a small cinema with seats, screen vintage posters and projector. I went cold as I realised that there were children sitting silently on the seats in the darkness, I swear I heard chatter, maybe a bit of movement but then realised it was a job lot of child sized dummies waiting in perpetuity for the show to start.
Lenny was a collector over many decades and his barn was an emporium for TV producers and theatrical companies, his biggest moan when supplying items for the TV industry was that they were very quick to borrow items and slow to return them but he knew every item he had and where it was at any moment! It’s hard to describe the contents of the barn, like a wonderland of rescued possessions and those that knew its location were by default sworn to secrecy, a code of honour, its presence was passed by word of mouth and I need to thank Gill McClinton for making the introduction. I visited Lenny three times last summer, we shared that same passion for saving stuff and seeing it put to good use. Sadly Lenny died last summer at the age of 87 and I gather his pride and joy was sold off in lots and at auction. Some of it was quite clearly high value and I hope that wherever the contents went they are appreciated!


Guinness Book of Records

29 Apr
Another Record Breaker!

Another Record Breaker!

Having looked through the Guinness Book of Records there isn’t one for the number of bottles of sun tan cream balanced on top of an Uncle Joe’s Mint Ball tin so to get things going here’s our offering! Beat that people!

Sponsored by Uncle Joe’s Mint Balls (Wm Sanctus) of Wigan.


Burn a Million Quid!

29 Apr

Gather round children! Are you sitting comfortably? …good. I’m going to take you back in time almost 20 years, isn’t that exciting for a Monday afternoon?
Actually our story starts in Liverpool circa 1978 when local resident Bill Drummond teamed up with various other wannabe punks and formed a group called “Big in Japan”. Vocalist Holly Johnson went onto sing about the pleasures of oral sex with Frankie Goes to Hollywood, Drummer Budgie went global with Siouxsie and the Banshees, Ian Broudie formed the Lightening Seeds and Mr Bill Drummond became the KLF (and various derivatives) together with Jimmy Cauty. So even though Big in Japan never really amounted to much during its lifespan it kickstarted numerous careers and the buzz round Liverpool was frantic!

The KLF (Kopyright Liberation Front)

The KLF (Kopyright Liberation Front)

The KLF were for a period of approx. four years ubiquitous a by their own calculations made about £6million and again by their own admission they made it fairly easily to the point of writing a book about just how easy it was (it’s called The Manual and you can download it as a freebie). KLF Buir
Now most people having pulled in money like this might be tempted to invest it in a big house and a posh car, maybe a state of the art studio like Trevor Horn did but the legend that was the KLF and the Justified Ancients of Mu Mu withdrew £1million from their strong safe, flew up to the Isle of Jura, went into a derelict bothy and produced a marvellous 67minute film showing most of the £1million being fed into a fire. Legally they had verified that drawing for example a large penis over the queen’s head was defilement but torching it wasn’t!
If it was controversial then, the legend hasn’t really diminished with various thought processes suggesting that they were a) bonkers and b) It was a hoax.

Up in Smoke!

Up in Smoke!

The bonkers bit is applicable even if the money was false (I don’t think it was) as anyone who ever saw the KLF will appreciate that the term “maverick” was a complete understatement. Today Drummond has stated that he struggles with what they did and I have yet to read a full justification of what they set out to achieve if indeed there ever was a fully formed purpose!
Now if this tempts you the full story is out there in internet land, you can even watch the full 67minute act however much more relaxing is the book called K Foundation: Burn a Million Quid in which they toured the country letting people see the film and then trying to talk through things with a sometimes hostile audience. The reason for my wandering back through time was triggered by a contribution from Drummond (now living in Norwich) and Gimpo (who filmed the burning) to the book London, City of Disappearances in which the two attempt over several days to follow a near as dammit straight line across the capital in search of a statue that thousands pass by each day without realising its historical significance!
Bill (first names from now on) is a brilliant writer, like Alan Moore in many respects I that he draws me in and makes the option of putting the book down quite hard. More so in the Burn a Million Quid book in that the whole tome is a series of argument and counter argument as to the what’s why’s and wherefores or doing something that many to this day will struggle to get their head round!

The KLF deleted all their musical output saying goodbye to a small fortune in the process (royalties etc) and that’s before they set fire to what amounts to all the surplus profits from their career which went nova before it seems ending in a fireplace on an Inner Hebridean Island!

Men of Steel

29 Apr

We return from a little sojourn up to Whitby to find a very an email from Bypass contributor Gary from Kempston who appears to be very excited. Gary has asked us to show you all a picture of the very first screen incarnation of Superman. Here’s the Man of Steel with…er…another Man of Steel and very realistic his friend / enemy looks (Gary doesn’t provide detail like this).

Much better than Doctor Who

Much better than Doctor Who

We have generally asked for anyone with anything to say to get in touch and as this very generous offer for you to contaminate our high quality of journalism has fallen on stony ground apart from Gary’s very (very very very) regular missives about 1940s and 50s superheroes!
We have had to tell Gary more than a few times that the gyroscopic inhibitor that phases and manipulates the images that are contained within WordPress (very similar to that dial thing in the photo) is unable to hold more than a few images dating before 1977 without fragmenting hence we haven’t been able to publish many of Gary’s contributions however having just trundled up to Whitby via York and back again in time for the Pink Martini concert at the Corn Exchange (Cambridge you ninny!) last night, we are feeling a bit jaded and so by using the digital compressionator that allows us to override the gyroscopic thing mentioned above, here’s Gary’s picture!
Gary…we are having problems with the email address and fear that if you keep sending huge volumes of stuff over it might break down completely so as from now on could you please stop sending ten photos at once. In fact we have suggested before that you could start up your own site and we will give you a little mention. It would be a pleasure!

Mayor announces new product!

26 Apr

The Mayor is pleased to announce his support for the wonderful new fitness product Psychertron 5000 muscle builder developed by scientists near Chernobyl! Simply mix with full fat milk and eat with plenty of beef. No need to exercise at all just wach Jeremy Kyle and Judge Judy while the figure of your dreams takes shape!

Total rubbish!

Total rubbish!

Available as the direct result of a partnership between the council and Market Trader Mikey Muscles (although the council don’t actually know what he sells)  this exclusive product imported into the UK via boats landing on the Scottish coast late at night is guaranteed to make you look just like the settee your sitting on! In fact your weight will; be so excessive you’ll actually feel at one with your sofa!

The Mayor of Bromham speaking exclusively to Bedford Bypass said “It’s about as believable as most of the other stuff that gets in the paper, total tosh but I’m sure there will be people that take it as they read it!

And now a request from Carla!

26 Apr
Vote for this band please!

Vote for this band please!

I don’t normally post in the mornings but I thought I would try and get the word out again about my friends band Lecarla and the competition they’ve entered! I previously asked you via my own blog (listed below) if you could be so kind to check out the page and listen to their song and vote! Don’t worry if you had voted before you can vote once every 24hours!

There’s only a few hours left to vote and they’re doing so well.

Please help them reach their goal!!!

Thank you!!!!!

And the winner of the Lamest Excuse Award is…

26 Apr

There’s a rather tedious excuse in last nights paper as to why Bedford Borough can’t support our local re-use charities and are having to just look glum as furniture and more is shipped out past there weeping eyes to be flogged up in Northampton!  Apparently it’s in the contract and this gives their contractor HW Martin first dibs on where anything with any value goes! Those poor well paid Council officers from Peterborough and Northampton must be gutted!

Remember this? Skip found it in a skip, gave it Emmaus and thyey sold it for £400!

Remember this? Skip found it in a skip, gave it Emmaus and thyey sold it for £400!

Now wait a minute, this excuse wouldn’t fool a donkey on arthritis tablets. We have a number of charities round here that provide an exceptional service for many people that have reached rock bottom. Emmaus is one, the Re-Use Centre another. Emmaus give homeless people often with a history of substance abuse a home and the opportunity to learn skills! They funded in part by selling donated items but unfortunately Bedford Borough must have forgot them when they wrote the contract so all that good stuff goes past Emmaus! Those poor well paid Council officers from Peterborough and Northampton must be gutted!

Same for the Re-Use Centre in town. Come out of care, find yourself in a starter flat where can you go? Well the Re-Use centre will as ever be pleased to sort you out as you build your life back or make your box your home!” But unfortunately Bedford Borough accidentally missed the chance to support them! Those poor well paid Council officers from Peterborough and Northampton must be gutted!

Flying the Flag! The Re-Use Ship in the Arcade (Good for Start Trek stuff for some reason)

Flying the Flag! The Re-Use Ship in the Arcade (Good for Star Trek stuff for some reason)

Right by the side of the Barkers Lane Household Waste Recycling Site is the Multiple Sclerosis Day Care Centre. Apart from offering therapy sessions it’s a place where people who might otherwise be confined to their homes can go and meet up with pals. I’ve worked with people with MS and similar degenerative conditions and I never miss the chance to attend their fundraisers. They have a little shop upstairs, sadly the twats that wrote the contract must be oblivious to what goes on beyond the fence!

Then a little bird tells me that the council are claiming their pound of flesh by whacking the rates up to the MS Centre for the privilege of being there!

So you might in these last few paragraphs understand why as soon as the Mayor opens his mouth my mind wanders off over the fields and when he shuts up I write stuff like this!

Living with hope but don't expect the Borough Council to help!

Living with hope but don’t expect the Borough Council to help!

Panic Over!

26 Apr

Bins feb 13 212

Found it! It wasn’t behind the desk it was on top of the filing cabinet! Phew!

Talking Community Toilets!

26 Apr
Please feel free to use our lovely loo!

Please feel free to use our lovely loo!

Laughs a plenty as the Borough Council issue a press release stating the bleeding obvious! We are allowed to use the loos in Beales and various pubs in town to make up for the fact that the council have closed most of the public WCs down. Now I know that some of the Borough Hall brains that dream these ideas up don’t live in Bedford so we’ll let them in on a secret, we’ve been using them for years!
Given the state of the council loos by about 2.00pm on Saturday I’ve been using the ladies at Beales for some time. The same applies to the pubs and places like Nando’s…if caught short simply pop in, have your pee wee and leave. Much better than the public ones with broken seats, hypodermics and unmentionables all over the pan!
We are also according to the press release welcome to use the loos at Café 13 and The Higgins Museum. All very funny and nice to see how much influence Bedford Bypass has as it was our idea!  We envisage the next press release stating something equally revealing like “Mayor announces that as a result of negotiations, Bedford residents will be able to buy newspapers and crisps in certain town centre shops” Praise the Mayor!
The combined brains behind this stroke of pure genius have christened it “The Community Toilet Scheme”. All we can say is what a load of….

Primark for real value!

25 Apr