Dignitas Clinic to open in Bedford?

16 May

We have teamed up with Zurich based life termination specialists Dignitas and are hoping to open our own branch here in the old Bedford High Street Pizza Hut shop. Unlike the Zurich clinic which is pretty sterile and not very inviting given that for many it’s the last place they go to we are aiming to have a gift shop for both relatives and those aiming for the departure lounge plus a coffee shop in case you arrive early, there is an equipment failure or we get raided! Ash trays or plates with a picture of your loved one(s) arriving and / or departing, that sort of thing!

The first UK branch of Dignitas, could it be based in the Bedford arcade?

The first UK branch of Dignitas, could it be based in the Bedford arcade?

To raise funds for this brave venture Bedford Bypass are pleased to offer (for a limited period only) a wonderful Buy One Get One Free offer with payment in advance so two people can be assisted* in their desire to be shuffled off this mortal coil for half price rather than wasting away in a shoddy care home sitting in their own body fluids or being knocked about by staff with anger management issues until Panorama come filming.

Both persons requiring euthanasia will need to be accompanied by a relative or at least someone who for legal reasons is able to do a passable impersonation of a relative (put a bit of thought into this) and it might be worthwhile making sure they know exactly who is going home in a box and who expects to be sitting in a chair reading the papers. We don’t want a repeat of last year’s little hiccup whilst we trailed things!

We Are But Shadows

We Are But Shadows

The only requirement of the Buy One Get One Free offer is permission to film one or both of you doing the deed. Given that the US justice system keeps performing botched executions we are hoping to produce a “Best Of” DVD showing how quick and pain free it is!

Remember our motto! “Death…You Can’t Cheat It So at Least Have a Laugh!

*Subject to planning permission and us quelling masses of holier than though twats who believe that someone suffering a terminal or progressive debilitating condition shouldn’t have the human right to make a rational conscientious decision on supported euthanasia!

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