Archive | September, 2014

The Morning After…Scotland Decided!

20 Sep

Come on, own up! We’ve all done it haven’t we? Got a bit merry late at night, that drop of Islay single malt too much, gone on Amazon, bought the entire Pink Floyd back catalogue remastered, woke up the day after…vague memories…OH BLOODY HELL, WHAT WAS I THINKING ABOUT…

I bet Dave Cameron’s feeling much the same as he regrets offering every Scottish resident a free bike, tickets to the seventh Star Wars film and so on…

I wonder what it all cost?

I wonder what it all cost?

I started off in the “no” camp but firmly aware that it had sod all to do with me. No fan of the union itself more a case that there’s more unites or with those over the border, the second one and not the original one. I started off dubious about Alex Salmond but by the end he’d emerged as a very capable speaker and I can’t fault him on that!

What has been fun is watching politicians filling their troosers in a state of panic. Miliband getting mobbed and looking quire bewildered, even more so than usual, Clegg has been notably absent, Faridge is on the prowl and we look set to get either one big argument about where exactly power rests or a huge shake up that might lead us all nowhere or may, just may result in those at the top of tree getting poked from their tree…one thing I know is that simply voting and letting the likes of Nadine Dorries decide your future will not suffice and you..yes you! don’t look round I’m talking DIRECTLY TO YOU…start thinking for yourself! Hail Eris!

 

Anarchist Secret Plan to Infiltrate Bedford Borough Council

19 Sep

Piece of cake actually! Seriously….simply follow these instructions!

1) Go to Borough Hall, go up to the desk on the right, best when it’s busy, sign in and pick up a badge from the box on the counter, sign in under Vlad Marcos, Sir Nathan Cuthberty is something daft! Nobody batted an eyelid when I did it!

2) Go up the stairs in front of you, whilst pretending to be on your phone chatting away just wait until someone comes down and swipes the glass “half door” barrier open, smile and go through. Turn right into the lounge and hang around to go in the members lounge OR…stay near the glass barrier and when ready turn left, up the stairs towards the double lift!

3) Wait near the lift and again whilst pretending to be talking to someone simply wait till the lift doors open OR if feeling energetic wait till the doors to the staircase are open by someone coming through.

4) You are now in the main building. Floors one and two, a bit scabby and tired! Floor three, Where Phil Simpkins and the Mayor are to be found by turning right. Very posh, they have their priorities right don’t they! Floor four….yawn….Floor five, marginally better. You are now on the top floor so turn left and head all the way along to the second lift, look as if you have every right to be there and when you get to the lift head through the doors and up the stairs( there’s a service floor above the lift) and hey presto through an unlocked door I’m on the roof! They have solar panels…and dead pigeons No one’s batted an eyelid. I could be a terrorist but I’m just a plain old lady anarchist! Jolly and sweet, nice enough to eat! I pretend I’m slightly lost so ask a nice young man how to get to the members lounge and he offers to take me down!

5) Leave by either ground floor exit points or take a detour via a service corridor in the basement (I’ll try this next time) but don’t hand the pass card in, there’s no number on it anyway. Go past Stewart Briggs on the way out! I hear his pension will be quite tidy when the time comes!

Guards, barriers, doors, but still so very easy to wander about last xxxxday afternoon at 2.30pm!

Guards, barriers, doors, but still so very easy to wander about last xxxxday afternoon at 2.30pm!

Media / Drama Queen Nadine Nadine Nadine!

19 Sep

Local MP Nadine Dorries is in the media again, local and national on account of her being seriously rattled by an unnamed stalker. I’m afraid that if I saw a headline informing me that Nadine Dorries was an MP with three daughters I’d be sceptical because much of what Ms Dorries says seems to be a complex mix of jumble made all the more palatable by gullible journalists!

Here’s an excerpt from the Guardian from a few years back. Make your own mind up, I implore you! If this grabs your attention have a look at www.bloggerheads.com for more info on the type of person chosen by Mid Bedfordshire Conservative’s to help direct the future!

One reason why anarchism makes perfect sense!

One reason why anarchism makes perfect sense!

Dorries has also used her blog to wage personal vendettas against people, most notably fellow blogger Tim Ireland of Bloggerheads, who she smeared as a stalker. More recently she’s taken against one of her own constituents, the disabled tweeter Humphrey Cushion, who she’s vindictively tried to label on her blog as some kind of malingering benefit fraudster who should be reported to the DWP for tweeting too much or something equally ludicrous (and I make no comment on the irony of Dorries titling her blog post “She writes fiction … but not very well”). And then, of course, there was the campaign she waged on her blog against John Bercow’s election as speaker, which Martin Salter described in the Telegraph as “a bizarre fiction in which she casts herself as a campaigner for the traditions of the Speaker’s office instead of being honest and admitting that it’s Mr Bercow’s politics she can’t stand, alongside a personal loathing she displays of anyone who disagrees with her.”

To be honest, there isn’t enough room in this post to detail every single incidence where Dorries has been caught out peddling fiction, although I think I can safely say this is the first time she’s actually been prepared to admit to having done it. But her admission that most of what she writes is made up, while shameful coming from a political blogger (and a complete breach of the unwritten code of bloggers’ conduct) is absolutely staggering when you consider that she’s also an MP, and a Tory MP in the coalition government. Aren’t there some parliamentary standards she’s supposed to abide by? Isn’t there something written down somewhere about not deliberately and knowingly lying to your constituents and then bragging about it on your blog?

Dorries’s career has been a complete farce since the day she took office. Let’s not forget this is the woman who, while taking part in a reality TV show about the difficulties faced by those living on benefits, hid £50 in her bra, presumably because she was worried how she’d manage once the money ran out. She’s proved time and time again that she’s not to be trusted, that her word is unreliable. Still, at least she’s finally admitted she has a tendency to tell whoppers – although that wasn’t exactly news to most of us.

 

Thai Murders! Special Crack Police Squad Brought in!

18 Sep

The time to act is upon said the third one from the right!

We will find those responsible....eventually.

We will find those responsible….eventually.

Choose Your Friends Carefully!

17 Sep

John Kerry is currently talking up the coalition against Islamic State (ISIS) and the strong cordial relationship between the US and Saudi Arabia with all parties denouncing the video-taped brutal executions of two Americans and a British hostage!

Now I’ve long since given up on trying to find salvation in what the US says and does but here’s a brief introduction to Saudi Arabia’s track record!

  • More than 2,000 people were executed in Saudi Arabia between 1985 and 2013. 
  • At least 22 people were put to death between 4 and 22 August 2014 alone – more than one every day. 
  • The death penalty in Saudi Arabia is used in violation of international human rights law and standards. Trials in capital cases are often held in secret and defendants rarely have access to lawyers. 
  • People may be convicted solely on the basis of “confessions” obtained under torture, other ill-treatment or deception. 
  • Non-lethal crimes including “adultery”, armed robbery, “apostasy”, drug-related offences, rape, “witchcraft” and “sorcery” are punishable by death. 
  • Three people under 18 were executed in 2013, and so far in 2014 one has been sentenced to death, in blatant violation of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child. 
  • In some cases, the relatives of those on death row are not notified of the executions in advance.
  • Foreign nationals represent a disproportionate number of those executed, largely because of inadequate legal representation and translation support. Almost half of the 2,000 people executed between 1985 and 2013 were foreign nationals.
  • People with mental disabilities are not spared the death sentence. 
  • Most executions are by beheading. Many take place in public. In some cases, decapitated bodies are left hanging in public squares as a “deterrent”. 
The Saudi version of Morris Dancing!

The Saudi version of Morris Dancing!

Were You Thinking What I Was Thinking?

16 Sep

Here’s Prince Harry. In a mobility chair designed for disabled people! Did you find it amusing? Did you find it distasteful? Another “games” to fill the news and take the headlines away…Noam Chomsky anarchist and linguist has described sport at this level something guaranteed to divert our mass attention and here’s one of the more prominant and less employed members of royalty trying to forge his way into the hearts of the nation! Were you thinking what I was thinking?

Prince of Hearts

Prince of Hearts

Brian the Robot Versus the Meerkats

16 Sep

This is it! Your chance to be part of the team responsible for the blockbuster movie of 2015 or maybe 2016! Yes! the working title is Robots V Meerkats and we are seeking 100 lucky investors each able to invest £1000* in this spectacular “must see” event!  All investors will receive a guaranteed share of any profits on specific movie tie in items like cuddly toys, books and jiggy clothing subject to our ongoing rather one way discussions with the current copyright owners.

He's evil...he's Brian

He’s evil…he’s Brian

The Plot:

Brain the Robot has captivated the nation with his amusing insurance adverts but meanwhile on Thunderbird 5 that blonde Tracey has picked up a hidden ship containing a mega army of Brian the Robots cackling like them off the Smash adverts (ask your parents!).

On earth the Meerkats already alerted to the decline in their popularity are surprised when Troy, Phones and SuperMario land in Fireball Excel 5 to alert them and they realise only they can save the day! How to beat this threat….”SIMPLES” but we are keeping quiet on this bit till we reach £10,000!

The dashing hero!

The dashing hero!

There’s skulduggery, a haunted castle with a spooky cartetaker, the baby Meerkat gets kidnapped and tied to a railway line (it’s a dwarf stunt Meerkat so don’t worry), and there’s a fight on top of a train (just like the good old days and Mission Impossible) and they have light sabres and then a cliff-hanger** as people realise that Brian is really really evil and cancel their insurance and return to whatever company the Meerkats one is.

Or we might save a bit of dosh and use this...

Or we might save a bit of dosh and use this…

But then Brian isn’t really as evil as we have been led to think and is actually Aleksandr Meerkats cousin wearing a rubber mask and having enjoyed being in the limelight and adored by hundreds of ITV 4 viewers watching repeats of Poirot he repents and helps the Meerkats to rid the planet of the bad robots by taking control of the ship and tipping them to the back end like on the ferry advert! Not bad for a first stab..must remember to delete this comment!

Don’t worry…the Go Compare man will not be in the movie as he’s just an actor!

 

*We are open to negotiations on the actual amount by the way! ** We are also offering unpaid internships for creative writers!

Real People….?

12 Sep

I really don’t have much time for social networking. Seriously…I don’t have the time to look at endless pictures of someone’s cat with a piece of toast on its head or 37 near identical pics of a two day old baby with squashed face still not fully inflated and adjusting to life in a see through crate.

Linkedin: Where dreams become real. Till your employer rumbles you!

Linkedin: Where dreams become real. Till your employer rumbles you!

One thing that does amuse me is Linkedin which aims to be a “notice board” of sorts for highly creative people. So creative in fact that I keep coming across folk that I have worked with that are making all manner of claims to enhance their CVs like having invented cheese or being the original creator of Harry Potter.

Talking of people who wish they were something more than they actually are…I’m highly dubious about these Community Speedwatch set ups in that the type of person they appeal are the same type that the Police wouldn’t employ in a month of Sundays. Pretend to be cops and what gets me is that Bedfordshire Police who are fast becoming synonymous with duffing mentally handicapped people up and bumping others off whilst in custody and generally letting the public down but in this case they seem to go along with it! Have look at this bunch of misfits, worrying isn’t it. Volunteers! Except the two councillors who are pulling in £10,000 a year and need to get in the papers from time to time!

Weird!

Weird!

Apart from oddballs that like power Speedwatch seems to appeal to parochial types out in the sticks and I came across one bunch sitting on deckchairs hiding behind a car with their speedy gun and they get by through a reciprocal arrangement with plod. They scribble your number plate down, send it to plod who may send you a “naughty naughty” letter but then admit that they can’t do anything, they like to threaten even though legally they are up the swanny. Speedwatch types don’t work in the dark nor do they operate on roads where the real nutters are to be found like drivers on the Bedford Bypass doing 90 and cutting across lanes!

For real fun and positive affects you have to subvert the process and be seen to be doing so. Here’s an action shot of a member of the Bedford Bypass team doing just that! Yes!….It’s the Bedford Bypass CCTV Camera of Hope (rescued by Skip Hunter our skip hunter) plonked at the side of the road in a joint initiative between ourselves and those tinkers at The Cunningham Amendment, the best anarchist journal about. There’s no semblance of us pretending to be THE LAW in fact the dress code, fez and Beano advises the opposite but the results are quite good in that said vehicle doing 85 in a 60 zone has time to reflect on her / his sins, repent and then drives off wondering what the flip that was that they’ve just past!

Pant wettingly weird!

Pant wettingly weird!

If any reader has a suggestion for where this amusing set up can be put to deterrent use and more importantly would like to help out then please email us at mcclintongill167@gmail.com

Honey Top Bakery…Would you want to work there?

10 Sep

Some good jobs for some very lucky people! There’s a company in Bedfordshire called Honey Top Bakeries which sounds lovely doesn’t it. A little cottage nestling in a green valley basking in the warmth of freshly made scones and buns!

Actually it’s a bit more industrial and Honey Top which is now part of the ARYZTA Bakeries group is offering various jobs from basics on £7.75 an hour up to Line Managers on £30,000 a year! Wow! Sounds like the place to be. More if you are a manager but I bet the people on the shop floor are happy little bunnista’s!

Job opportunities for all!

Job opportunities for all!

Well I have a memory for odd facts and when I saw the job advert in the paper last week it rang a bell! A big one and only five a six weeks earlier anyone watching Dispatches and a programme called The Real Price of Food will have come away with the one conclusion this being that ARYZTA isn’t the best place to work for if you are from an agency on a zero hours ticket. In fact for anyone with a general overview of Health and Safety legislation I’d avoid it like the plague!

Equally as crucial as the H&S aspects the undercover reporter left us with a damning indictment on the casualization of the workforce and the usual shitty way that they get treated! Workers being charged for their own mandatory safety equipment (PPE) sent home if theirs had been stolen, food from the floor being repackaged for sale (yum yum Tesco), workers clambering inside machinery to fix it and others stating that they were sent to work with no formal training or induction!

Now being totally fair, are we never…a spokesperson for Honey Top has stated that a full and thorough investigation has been carried out into the misleading and speculative claims made by Dispatches. You just can’t trust reliable and highly regarded investigative journalists these days can you! The thing is there’s plenty of negative stuff on the web about Honey Top including some wonderful stuff on fire risk, the fire brigade might as well park up outside but when you look at the Honey Top website it’s very sanitary unlike what we saw in the programme… all naan bread and oooh! stuff to eat. No mention of the negatives or Dispatches and the website seems far more appealing than actually working for Honey Top!

As you can see we have given the job advertisement our Bedford Bypass stamp of approval! We do however remain open to the concept of these jobs being created as a response to the programme although it has to be noted that as far as opinion from the world of fire risk and safety was castigating Honey Top local MP Andrew Selous (Conservative) was licking the butt of Honey Top proving what a Toss Pot he is!

 

The Prisoner of Santa Pod!

10 Sep

Pris shotHere’s something different! Way back in 1967 the TV series The Prisoner aired and has been captivating viewers ever since. There are scores of websites sharing opinions and info on the series with by far the best being The Unmutual (link below). And by far the worst is Six of One which really is quite dismal. One interesting fact is that the episode “Living in Harmony” centred on a hallucinogenic cowboy village was in part filmed on Dunstable Downs but a question that has vexed devotees for decades has been the location of the opening sequence in which the main character is seen driving his Lotus Seven down a runway. runway_sm1b

http://www.theunmutual.co.uk/

Various spots have been suggested from Norfolk to Hertfordshire and even…just possibly Bedfordshire all ruled in and out but the exact filming point has now been confirmed as….Santa Pod racetrack up at the very top end of County. In fact its so far up it feels like Northamptonshire but no…it’s in Bedford Borough! We win! We win! Up yours Radlett!

Confirmation was finally reached after other footage from 1967 of drag racing from Santa Pod showed conclusive evidence from the tree line so what had been hinted at over a forty odd year period has finally been confirmed thanks to the sleuths from Avengerland who have been busy tracing all manner of filming locations from the golden age of TV ! Now I’ve been a Prisoner fan since 1978 and for whatever reason I’m quite pleased about this. Pure trivia but it’s fun sometimes! Thanks go to Rick from The Unmutual for keeping The Unmutual website alive and kicking and unlike Six of One not trying to screw money from people!

Spiffing detective work!

Spiffing detective work!