Archive | March, 2015

In Which Debs Reads The Sunday Times!

17 Mar


Eagle-eyed readers of the Sunday Times will have spotted Bedford’s modest entry in their 50 best urban places to live in Britain 2015.  I thought of doing a blog about this until I realised that no one would believe me – but now it’s all over the front page of local paper the Times & Citizen, so here goes.

Always plenty to see on warm summer night!

Always plenty to see on warm summer night!

The original article starts off cautiously, stating that Buckinghamshire has the cash, Cambridge the brains, and Bedford is the less-favoured piggy-in-the-middle.  The local university is so-so and the architecture is humdrum, but we ought to pay more attention to this overlooked market town.  Not exactly bigging the place up, there’s usually a good reason why a place is overlooked – and the Sunday Times has just given several.  However – it only takes 40 minutes to get to London by train, Castle Ward has cafés, gastropubs, museums and desirable Victorian housing which is cheaper than the Cambridge equivalent – a five bed house here is the price of a three bed there – and Bedford School has climbed from 180th to 154th in a ranking of private schools.  The local paper baulks at the Sunday Times use of the word “gentrification” – Castle Ward has always been regarded as a good place to live, never exactly a post-industrial hell hole – but apart from that, it’s all good.  The Times & Citizen misses out the cautious beginning, and lists all the features that the Sunday Times has carelessly omitted, like a growing cultural scene, green spaces and attractive surrounding villages. You know, stuff that no other town has.  So – the reasons Bedford has made the list:

  1. it’s quick and easy to escape to London if you have to work there or when you can’t stand Bedford any longer.
  2. The brainiacs of Cambridge can buy up comparatively cheaper housing in desirable Castle Ward, leaving less for the locals and pushing up average house prices higher than the already ludicrous £261,879.
  3. Bedford School is slightly less of an also-ran than it was last year. Never mind that it is a private school for boys, so of no interest to people who don’t have school age sons or who don’t have the means or inclination to go private – league tables are sooo vital.
Mayor Dave personally greets every visitor each Saturday!

Mayor Dave personally greets every visitor each Saturday!

The Sunday Times ends with the damning with faint praise – “The perennial wallflower is gradually coming into bloom”.  Will all this make the slightest bit of difference? Last year, one of the Bedfordshire villages made the list of 50 best rural places to live in Britain.  A similar song and dance happened in the local paper, then it soon died down.  I tried to Google it as I’d forgotten the name of the village, but only subscribers to the Sunday Times are allowed to access the site, so that was me scuppered.  Never mind, it’s all good clean fun and Bedford really could be one of the 50 best urban places to live in Britain.  We won’t let it go to our heads.

(Apparently our usual Editor is Wales somewhere!)

Eeeh...when I was a lass!

Eeeh…when I was a lass!


Conservative Candidate Goes into Hiding!

12 Mar

Bedford Conservative’s candidate for the Mayoral election is undertaking a sponsored hide between now and election day to help raise funds! This novel move by Jas Parmar will see the former policeman, former candidate for the Police Commissioner job and former Borough Councillor hiding up and not being seen whilst the rest of the hopefuls will be  going around disturbing people trying to watch the local news.

Jas meets Nadine Dorries's elderly mum before he went into hiding!

Jas meets Nadine Dorries’s elderly mum before he went into hiding!

A spokesperson for Mr Parmar who hasn’t been seen standing next to anyone famous for some considerable time said “Even we don’t know where he is which shows how much his extensive training at merging into the background has paid off”

Senior Tories believe that the “man of mystery” tag will engender support in that apart from not being seen Mr Parmar is also keeping very quiet on what he will do if he gets elected Mayor of Bedford. When asked if this was a winning tactic the spokesperson who doesn’t want to be named for fear of being told off said “The question of where he is and what exactly he is up to…this sense of wonderment.. if it can be turned into votes he should have the red coat and chains in the bag!

Experts however fear that if the tactic fails Jas Parmar could go the same way as previous Tory hopeful John Guthrie who believed that spending most of his time drinking tea in posh rural houses talking to the converted would propel him to the hot seat in Borough Hall!

Always in the background!

Always in the background!

Celebrate Mothers Day in Style

11 Mar

It’s Mother’s Day coming up so don’t forget! I’ve forgiven my Ma for putting me up for adoption and arranging for me to be shipped out from Liverpool to Manchester just as the Beatles and Merseysound was kicking off. Mind you I was in Manchester when punk happened so it all ended well!

If strapped for cash just cut and give to Ma!

If strapped for cash just cut and give to Ma!

Oedipus* liked his mum very much and to express his love he married her, killed his dad and then poked his own eyes out! Now that’s a bit extreme. Some flowers would do, maybe do the washing up, take her out for a garden centre Sunday lunch at that place near the landfill site! That sort of thing! (*from the set of Theban plays by Sophocles: Oedipus the King, Oedipus at Colonus, and Antigone**) ((*Not that I’ve read them I just nicked this bit from Wikipedia)) ((( When I say “this bit” I meant the bit about the set of Theban plays by Sophocles: Oedipus the King, Oedipus at Colonus, and Antigone))) Why has it come out in red?

Make your old lady feel special!

Make your old lady feel special!

Mahmud Henry Rogers: Twat of the week!

10 Mar

Top notch scintalating edge of your chair action in Bedford as five of our wannabe MPs come together for a sort of low value brand “Question Time”. Complete and total fuckwit of all time award goes to the Liberal Democrat Mahmud Henry Rogers (unshaven with the yellow tie) who came out with the following two statements

“Mr Rogers admitted he had come to change his mind on the issue of student tuition fees, following the Lib Dems’ famous dropping of their stance against the policy in coalition negotiations following the 2010 general election. He had also changed from someone who had carried a placard against fees to one who had “grown to forgive Nick Clegg.” Good job or he wouldn’t have got the nomination! Creeping spineless gobshite!

The Famous Five!

The Famous Five!

It gets better… Mr Rogers had also experienced a change of heart on the issue of Bedford’s directly elected mayor.  “Liberals are suspicious of concentrations of power but this has worked well,” he said.  In case you don’t know the current mayor is a Liberal Democrat and if Mahmud upsets the Mayor you never know what might not happen.

Now read that again. Go on! Start at the “Mr Rogers admitted”  bit Now go and heave up your beans in the nearest bucket! What a pile of heavily soiled pungent nappies! An arsehole visible from space!

The panellists were also asked what they would do if they had their time in education again. Dr Foley from the Green Party thought about it for three hours said he would study computers and social responsibility; Mr Fuller said “physics” but added that he had been “rubbish” at it. You get the idea they are just having a giggle don’t you!

Mr Hall said he would go into engineering while Mr Henry said law and statistics interested him. We must chat about this over a pint Henry as you sound like a real good night out!

I would have thought given that they either want to get on or stay on the gravy train they would have said politics.

The bloke from UKIP didn’t seem to say much of any real interest. Mind you neither did the others but when it comes to spouting sewage and bile the Liberal Democrat was light years ahead of everyone else!

Leonard Cohen: Star Trek Actor Dies!

3 Mar

Tributes to the actor Leonard Nimoy continue to pour in and so the team at Bedford Bypass proudly offer their personal homage to this very versatile thespian!

Leonard Nimoy! Beamed up for good!

Leonard Nimoy! Beamed up for good!

As with many actor fame and success didn’t come easy and after some years playing bit parts Leonard’s break through came in the role of Spock in Star Trek the original series. A hard act to follow but he showed his vocal talents as the character Spock in Star Trek The Animated Series. This opened further doors and the next big challenge…. the role of Spock, a part alien / human in Star Trek: The Motion Picture. Higher profile work poured in and Nimoy found himself at the centre of the stage playing the character Spock in Star Trek: The Wrath of Kahn, a Muslim family man in Birmingham who was annoyed. Bedford Bypass regular Skip Hunter takes over…

The Wrath of Khan

The Wrath of Khan

Yeah, thanks Gill, Leonard Nimoy then found himself climbing a mountain in more ways than one when after gruelling casting sessions he won the coveted role of Spock in the film The Search for Spock in which the crew of a space ship searched for a character called Spock on a mountain. His proven versatility resulted in a further string of blockbusters with Nimoy playing second lead as Spock in a film about Wales although it was actually filmed in San Francisco. Then he played a sort of second in command called Spock in a film where the crew of a space ship go looking for god with the big reveal coming when they find him. But it’s actually another alien pretending to be god because god doesn’t exist.  Debs takes over….Whilst  many associate Nimoy with the big screen quite often lost in his CV or whatever job hunting actors send to directors was his startling appearance as an alien ambassador called Ambassador Spock in the long running series Star Trek: The Next Generation at which point after a return to the Hollywood stage set in the blockbuster Star Trek The Undiscovered Country, a sort of cowboys in space thing in which his portrayal of Spock earned him awards from Star Trek fans  he went into retirement although he did find time to write a second autobiography called with wit and panache “I Am Spock”!

Nimoy starred in The Great Escape!

Nimoy starred in The Great Escape!

Steve writes….But that wasn’t quite it. Age obviously maketh the man and Nimoy drew sharp breaths as he returned to the big screen with a moving portrayal of a man lost in space and time but mostly time. Named Spock Prime the character had to play a younger and older version of the same man which with make up and special effects he achieved. When the makers of this opted to make a sequel,  perhaps an unwise move in Hollywood Nimoy again reprised the role of Spock Prime starring with Bendyhatch Cumberswitch although to be fair it did come across as a bit of an afterthought!

And that concludes our tribute to actor Leonard Nimoy and his 50 year career! Coming soon our tribute to Hollywood actor William Shatner. He’s still knocking about but we’ve already written it. That’s what they do for The Guardian and Telegraph apparently!