Tag Archives: Alistair Carmichael MP

Islamic State Tourist Board

5 Feb

No matter how hard you try to get your head around some global situations it’s impossible. Sometime back acclaimed journalist Robert Fisk attempted to draw the world’s attention to the slaughter of captured Syrian soldiers by Islamic State using the brutal mediaeval method of burning them alive and desecrating the remains, an act forbidden under Islam. It didn’t get much coverage but the world continued to turn. And now it’s all over the media in a manner that leaves you numb with some highly refined media manipulation that many Governments must envy. There’s nothing specific in the Koran about death by fire although if you stretch things it sort of allows for any form of grotesque “punishment” and the question of whether this punishment should be administered by god or by his earth bound advocates becomes immaterial.

It’s hard to find anything that diverts human thought from the subject matter. Following that Jihaddams Family skit from a week or so back I’d come up with the following…..ISIS..One minute they’re offering a nice way for people to invest their savings with guaranteed returns the next thing they’ve gone off the rails and are butchering people! You just can’t trust financial advisors! That’s the last time I buy an Islamic State fundraising calendar! The Islamic State Tourist Board really has an uphill struggle! Let’s send Middle East Peace Envoy Tony Blair to have a chat with them as he’s responsible for destabilising the whole region! They’ll probably say thanks mate and honour him as their co-founder!

Didn't he do well?

Didn’t he do well?

It’s the last one that I cling to. This fervent view that at some point they’re going to dig Blair’s back garden up and then do him for mass murder! Or I’ll settle for a game show called A Seriously Rich Idiot Abroad (my idea telly people) where they drop him off on the Iraqi / Syrian border with water, Kendal Mint Cake, map and compass plus several years worth of Robert Fisk columns from the Independent  and he’s got 24hrs to get to the rendezvous point!  While we wait for the phone call from Channel Four here’s a nice website with admirable aims!




Bedford Labour Party Issue Press Release! Shock News..

22 Jan

Councillor comes with his battered old suit and his head all filled with plans Says it’s not for himself nor the fame or the wealth..But to help his fellow man!

Ten years later where is he now? He’s ditched all the old ideas   Milked all the life from the old cash cow  And now he’s got a fine career!

 I don’t know why but when I see the amount of expenses that Bedford Borough councillors pull in compared to their visibility I just go apoplectic . I want to pace about shouting rude words and waving my hands about..in fact I’m going to do just that! Back soon… !!%$^£$%^&*()%$£.     That’s better. Just! 

I don't know what they've got against that shop behind them!

I don’t know what they’ve got against that shop behind them!

Have a look at the picture! There’s quite a few councillors holding little placards saying how we are all £1000 worse off under the tories. And the rest! But I don’t need these goons to tell me and the funny thing about several of these fine upstanding people namely Labour dinosaurs Cllr Colleen Atkins and Cllr Sue Oliver is they are both over £101,000 better off under the Lib Dem Mayor since they last got elected. That’s because they have opted to support the Lib Dems in Bedford and the rest of the Labour gang seemed to have opted to watch telly!

The latest Labour news is that after the last Mayoral candidate Penny Fletcher threw in the towel last September, with just over fourteen weeks to go before the big day and wasting time and money promoting Penny they now have a new bloke prepared to give current mayor Dave Hodgson a run for his money. Although as I’ve said before with various Labour stalwarts in the Mayor’s cabinet and earning circa £21,000 a year for the privilege I don’t see much challenging going on. In fact I don’t see anything going on. But at least Tim Oliver has met the two local Labour candidates for parliament one of whom, the very dreary Patrick Hall might get back in and another who stands no chance!

So determined are Labour to save us from another five years of coalition ruling and more vicious cuts they have opened up a HQ somewhere in town and are in the free paper to prove it! Although I’ve studied the picture and can’t see the Mayoral candidate amongst the hoards!

Dull Dull Dull Dull Dull: Let there be light!

Dull Dull Dull Dull Dull: Let there be light!

Maybe he hasn’t got his working class flat cap on! I did look to see if Lib Dem Dave H was there as he usually crowbars himself into any gathering! (that’s satire for the benefit of the councils legal people who read Bypass!)

I have this suspicion that a tactical decision has been made to concentrate on the parliamentary seat and go through the motions for the position of mayor which will keep the current mayor sweet and boost the very dull and monotonous Patrick Hall’s chance of becoming an MP again. And then if Labour grasp a smidgeon of power we can look forward to another five years of serious austerity and more coalition malarkey!

New Labour Flat Cap Working Class Bloke seeks to become Mayor!

New Labour Flat Cap Working Class Bloke seeks to become Mayor!

How much excitement can we take?

How much excitement can we take?

Anarchist Secret Plan to Infiltrate Bedford Borough Council

19 Sep

Piece of cake actually! Seriously….simply follow these instructions!

1) Go to Borough Hall, go up to the desk on the right, best when it’s busy, sign in and pick up a badge from the box on the counter, sign in under Vlad Marcos, Sir Nathan Cuthberty is something daft! Nobody batted an eyelid when I did it!

2) Go up the stairs in front of you, whilst pretending to be on your phone chatting away just wait until someone comes down and swipes the glass “half door” barrier open, smile and go through. Turn right into the lounge and hang around to go in the members lounge OR…stay near the glass barrier and when ready turn left, up the stairs towards the double lift!

3) Wait near the lift and again whilst pretending to be talking to someone simply wait till the lift doors open OR if feeling energetic wait till the doors to the staircase are open by someone coming through.

4) You are now in the main building. Floors one and two, a bit scabby and tired! Floor three, Where Phil Simpkins and the Mayor are to be found by turning right. Very posh, they have their priorities right don’t they! Floor four….yawn….Floor five, marginally better. You are now on the top floor so turn left and head all the way along to the second lift, look as if you have every right to be there and when you get to the lift head through the doors and up the stairs( there’s a service floor above the lift) and hey presto through an unlocked door I’m on the roof! They have solar panels…and dead pigeons No one’s batted an eyelid. I could be a terrorist but I’m just a plain old lady anarchist! Jolly and sweet, nice enough to eat! I pretend I’m slightly lost so ask a nice young man how to get to the members lounge and he offers to take me down!

5) Leave by either ground floor exit points or take a detour via a service corridor in the basement (I’ll try this next time) but don’t hand the pass card in, there’s no number on it anyway. Go past Stewart Briggs on the way out! I hear his pension will be quite tidy when the time comes!

Guards, barriers, doors, but still so very easy to wander about last xxxxday afternoon at 2.30pm!

Guards, barriers, doors, but still so very easy to wander about last xxxxday afternoon at 2.30pm!

Situations Vacant…

30 Aug

Good Evening! As the “more regular” scribe of Bedford Bypass I usually require a script or at least a contribution, something of a direction before I turn the PC into Bypass mode and start typing. But not tonight! So with no particular idea of how this blog will end…or for matter take shape..here goes!

I have a sister. I met her when I was 28. Ms Manners is the only person to communicate directly. She’s a few years younger than me. Bedford Bypass needs Gill McClinton like a car needs needs insurance. She is my adviser and mentor. We have a pact that I will never press “publish” before she’s reviewed it. Tonight I’m taking a gamble as I’m in a naughty but safe mood!

Take the money while it's there!

Take the money while it’s there!

I have  OCD (undiagnosed) as far as music (CDs) books and related ephemera are concerned. I have plenty of other conditions (diagnosed) that allow me to safely say with certainty that I have OCD (undiagnosed) as far as music in shiny disc form are concerned. To help me deal with this stressful and at times expensive condition I can rely on Piccadilly Records, Recordstore, Rough Trade and others who send me weekly emails showing the wonderful bountiful offerings there for the purchasing thereof. Scummy oooh things without which in my life I would be the the equivalent of something that crawls away from an outside toilet seat when you shine a candle on it at 3am…

I got one this week…a book a by one Ian Curtis titled “This is Permanence” and its screwed me up. Ian Curtis died May 18th 1980 without any knowledge that his name would be ascribed to this book. But that endorphin rush kicked in. Like a junkie waiting for the next time that the needle would touch skin….Curtis was the vocalist in Joy Division. He was far braver than I in that he exited by his own engineering thirty four ago two days after my 18th day of cake and cards and I can remember the exact spot where I was when I heard. My city was monochrome. For many round the Manchester area he was a name in the papers. To a lesser extent he was the vanguard of the Manchester music scene as lead singer with Joy Division who after his death by self asphyxiation (hanging) became New Order, I’ve paced a trench as to whether I buy this weighty tome from Recordstore…….and after deciding some five days after the invite……that I needed book he help me breath…to maintain a heartbeat…….all 200 signed copies are gone….so the OCD gene that has haunted me for 30 odd years and delivered a complex collection of books, film posters, vinyl, and CDs has been thwarted.

He sometimes looks like he's just got out of bed. Come to Bedford!

He sometimes looks like he’s just got out of bed. Come to Bedford!

I have as of today…six nieces and nephews…with no offspring of our own and my own that I am aware of although I stand to be surprised (as my sister was in 1990) …..Back in a bit …The Cure are on the telly…..(this is a live blog….rubbish fretwork Robert,,,,call yourself a guitarist….)  where was I….I’ve written to them all, sent them books, notes, invites to read Bedford Bypass…free limited edition badge and not one of them has bothered to write back saying thanks so at the present moment in time 34 years since Ian Curtis sliced many people apart by what he did it looks my collection of books, CDs and rare vinyl in terms of monetary value are on their way to Greyhound Rescue…..with the exception of “So This is Permanence” as 200 others beat me to it although I bet the unsigned version will be announced soon!

Madonna stays in Bedford Hotel September 2014

Madonna stays in Bedford Hotel September 2014

So I have run out of steam….with so much to say but without the mental agility to deliver. Its usual a physical problem…but you have a picture of the Wipers Times from 1916 which this blog was intended to be about but well, you’ll just have to wait! Savea bit of time and google Wipers Times. Go on! ) Debs  I’ll see you Monday. Snooze time beckons…..

Bye for now….  Gill’s brother….X

Fun and Games over the border!

24 Jul

The best way of describing last night’s Commonwealth Games opening ceremony?…. it was a “Happy Shopper” version of the Olympics one from two years back. The impression I got was “Welcome to wee bonny Scotland, come on in, the fire’s toasty warm”. Policemen, council gardeners, office workers, students and crack dealers all coming together for an impromptu “open mic” session in the city centre, like one of those Disney films where half of London break out into a song and dance routine. Brilliant stuff! To tempt us none sports lover’s in we had a mixed bunch of comedians, singers, ex sports personalities from the 80s and that tedious John Barrrowman who proves you don’t need talent to be famous.

Barrowman did a routine bigging up Scotland, mentioning all the things the Scots had invented.  He conveniently didn’t mention the disproportionately large part Scotland played in the slave trade and the spread of the British Empire, an irony that won’t have been lost on the poorer Commonwealth countries. Rod Stewart crooned the crowd with a voice that would have had him booted off Britain’s Got Talent within seconds and by the time Susan Boyle turned up I’d wandered off to the Bedford Bypass creative writing zone tucked away down the garden!

Oor Wullie's message to the English. My bother has all the annuals by the way!

Oor Wullie’s message to the English. My bother has all the annuals by the way!

Then an hour or so later after Wiz had come a visiting to see what I was up to I wandered back and the whole spectacle was still droning on with hordes of competitors from small unheard of dots on the map doing the walk around wavy take selfies thing before being corralled into their own bit of the floor for two hours and surrounded by multi coloured dancers who must have been on Speed or Ecstasy to keep grooving freestyle like that for so long!

At regular intervals we got asked to text donations through to UNICEF for the children whilst at the same time we supply Israel with arms and I wasn’t certain whether I’d swapped channels and was on Children in Need as James McAvoy messed about with his phone to kick start the donations. The Queen was hanging around somewhere and having just had her £80,000 cash prize taken away for having a doped up horse she must have been well pissed off! Lets hope Borrowman had a fiver to lend her!

What was “nice” was that there was no choreographed finesse about the thing. In fact no expense appeared to have been spared. Either that or something had gone wrong but by far the best bit was two (that I saw) pre-taped appearances from Billy Connolly who gamely told us that he’d not been well but despite looking a tad frail delivered two corking eulogies to Glasgow as his home city, its lost industry, hopes for the future and its being a pioneer of simple little stunts that helped turn South Africa’s apartheid system to dust! Love you Billy, don’t go quietly..rage rage rage!

Where much of Bedford Bypass is written down!

Where much of Bedford Bypass is written down!

The leader of Glasgow City Council spoke…and for all the world sounded like some sort of Dr Who villain ready to press the “destroy ” button and then more comedy gold. There’d been some sort of disjointed scrum down on the stadium floor with people grabbing a single baton off each other. At least in the Olympics they’d had mass produced torches but for Glasgow just one wooden thing, if you touched it your ailments vanished. Maybe! The baton had a note inside. That the Queen put in last year. And its been round the world since then. And they couldn’t open it. Marm stood there watching attempts to get the top off, I was waiting for her to grab it off Chris Hoy and show them how but then it struck me that if she was waiting to read the note, as she wrote it she could have just had a rough guess. In the end she declared the games open!

You'll not beat the Scots team when it comes to mooning!

You’ll not beat the Scots team when it comes to mooning!

One big happy family of competitors but Messrs Usain Bolt and Mo Farah from Richard Branson’s Virgin Islands weren’t there, maybe there’s an elite in sports, almost like its own royalty!

And now, for the next ten days we have a small army of people running hither and thither, some jumping over things and other’s throwing javelins and balls, maybe the odd caber! Then there will be talk of the legacy and we’ve both heard it all and seen it all before!