Tag Archives: David Cameron MP

Under New Management!

22 Jun

Yes Indeed! After months of negotiation Bedford Bypass is under new ownership! Out with the old and in with the new! No more of this “anarchist” rubbish and dissing our beautiful vibrant town center at every opportunity, the new look Bedford Bypass will be a “down your throat” celebration of all that is good about our pretty riverside town, the one that is beautiful and vibrant!

If it good about Bedford we will publish it!

If it good about Bedford we will publish it!

So what can you expect? Well up and coming features will include interviews with people that make our town what it is and we have lined up on street chats with the rather bored looking traffic warden (or civil enforcement chap) that is assigned to hanging round the bus station waiting to pounce on car driving people that dare stray into places that are forbidden, and we hope to go out on patrol with the Dog Squad that are now fining evil dog walkers who sneer in the face of the law and let Fido wander about! AND IT GETS BETTER… we are like all of you hoping that ex Liberal Democrat Councillor Paul Prescod is acquitted of allegedly sexual assaulting someone by allegedly inserting something somewhere and when his innocence is proven we will be leading the charge to have  him reinserted onto the council! Or should that be “into”? Apparently he didn’t turn up for his court appearance last week!

We will also be showing our support for all our local councillors who do a fantastic job of agreeing with whatever the Mayor says and does, this includes Doug McMurdo who retained his seat despite twatting some young kids…teenagers actually and we all know what they can be like don’t we! We won’t be constantly going on about Councillors expenses…you don’t want to know about Colleen Atkins being paid £16,000 grand for her “job” chairing fire brigade meetings on top of her £20odd grand for supporting the Mayor! No you want good news, like how fantastic the new bus station is now that they’ve fastened a new plastic bit on top that says “Welcome to Bedford”, and the new Tourist Information Centre that is there to say goodbye to all the people going shopping somewhere nice! It’s much better now that they’ve got rid of all the leaflets and historical tat, making it much more functional by concentrating on telling people where to get the bus to Milton Keynes as to be honest it’s not all that clear which bus you have to get on! And one of the X5 Stagecoach Drivers is a bit of a misery guts!

And it’s all change at Police HQ as Chief Constable Paul is moving on after a grand stint in charge of just under two years, almost as long as the one before!  Now then, the last sarcastic dole faced proprietors of Bedford Bypass made the not very funny comment that the Chief Constable changes more frequently than Dr Who which is frankly…very true but misses the point which is that er….well, we will miss her so bye bye Collette (check that this is the right first name before you publish this or you are sacked you zero hours (and zero pay) trainee!

Doing his job to keep us safe!

Doing his job to keep us safe!

And we will be publishing your pictures as it saves having to write stuff and anyway if we promise to publish your pictures the hit rates should go up. Pictures of cats are nice and if you have a nice picture of your nice cat, or your nice neighbors nice cat, or just any random nice cat you come across (preferably alive and not flat at the side of the road) send it to us marked “Nice Cat of the Week” competition and you could win an invite for afternoon tea for two at the Swan Hotel (terms and conditions apply*)!

So there we are, remember there will be updates daily or maybe weekly depending on numerous external factors, and IT’S GOING TO BE GOOD NEWS from now on (or until further notice) so keep coming back!

We will at a push accept nice pictures of nice puppies!

We will at a push accept nice pictures of nice puppies!


(Competition Terms and Conditions: If you win with a nice picture of a nice cat we will send you the invite but the actual cost of the afternoon tea is down to you. It’s a bit pricey, I took Abigail there when she left, you get a brew, a few biscuits that looked to have been made by under fives and that funny lumpy sugar, and where we sat stank of chlorine from the spa)




Je Suis un Bypass

13 Jan

I haven’t really felt up to writing. There’s some reasonably funny stuff been half sketched out but given events in Paris last week things seemed trivial. We visit Paris quite regularly, most years in fact. We are quite comfortable there but like most cities you need a rough knowledge of how the city fits together and a dash of common sense. Police sirens puncture the air all through the day and I guess as they are quite different to UK sirens you tend to notice them a bit more!

But last weeks events left a hole in my ability to imagine. I’m not making any connection with Charlie Hebdo, I had heard of it and scanned through the odd copy mostly as a result of its printing of the Danish cartoons. I don’t understand religion and I certainly struggle with the whole concept of fundementalism, that point where everything you think, breath and do is based on texts from a thousand plus years ago!

The new edition of Charlie Hebdo will it seems carry on the tradition of having a go at those that need it and apart from a new cover of the Prophet if indeed he looked like that they are pointing out that many of those doing the Je Suis thing have never bought a copy and whose political views might be diametrically opposed to the contents!

It's pretty good this marching business what ho!

It’s pretty good this marching business what ho!

Here’s the line up of world leaders wandering round Paris and at the front of the march just so you don’t forget who’s the boss, Cameron is towards the end of the line and I couldn’t get an importable copy of the image with him in. Agadoo springs to mind, or that New York song with high kicks.What a complete load of despots and hypocrites the lot of them. Benyamin Netanyahoo (sic) is there next to the man with the hat, don’t mention the Israeli bombing of Gaza which also saw 17 journalists killed, Tunisia, Turkey drone drone drone! There’s some nameless bloke that seems to be trying to cop a feel of the equally nameless woman at the side, after all it is Paris! And in a week or so it’ll will be mostly forgotten apart from by those directly affected. Then something else will happen! Maybe in Nigeria where we can tut and turn over or maybe closer to home where we can connect to the horror and vicissitude of it all and you know what? I can see it getting a whole lot worse.

Anyway now that the mental block has been shoved aside myself and my increasingly small circle of chums (one has cleared off to Norwich) will be scribbling ideas down as of now!