Tag Archives: David Winnick MP

Celebrate Mothers Day in Style

11 Mar

It’s Mother’s Day coming up so don’t forget! I’ve forgiven my Ma for putting me up for adoption and arranging for me to be shipped out from Liverpool to Manchester just as the Beatles and Merseysound was kicking off. Mind you I was in Manchester when punk happened so it all ended well!

If strapped for cash just cut and give to Ma!

If strapped for cash just cut and give to Ma!

Oedipus* liked his mum very much and to express his love he married her, killed his dad and then poked his own eyes out! Now that’s a bit extreme. Some flowers would do, maybe do the washing up, take her out for a garden centre Sunday lunch at that place near the landfill site! That sort of thing! (*from the set of Theban plays by Sophocles: Oedipus the King, Oedipus at Colonus, and Antigone**) ((*Not that I’ve read them I just nicked this bit from Wikipedia)) ((( When I say “this bit” I meant the bit about the set of Theban plays by Sophocles: Oedipus the King, Oedipus at Colonus, and Antigone))) Why has it come out in red?

Make your old lady feel special!

Make your old lady feel special!

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Battle Picture Library!

19 Jan

Well well! Who’s that dishevelled looking chap coming up the garden path with greasy hair, stubble and looking very unkempt? Why it’s Skip Hunter our resident hunter of skips! I heard you’d had a bit of a bad turn drinking cider and chrome polish ending up in a coma like in that episode of Father Ted!

Er..yeah..sort off!

Jolly good fun for boys!

Jolly good fun for boys!

So what you got to show us today Skip?

Nothing much, just loads more comics from the 1970 from the blue paper skip round the back of Tesco. They smell musty and old!

Yes Skip! Yes they certainly do whiff a bit! Quite pungent with an air of baby’s nappy!

We won! Ner nerr!

We won! Ner nerr!

I like the way they glorify war, killing, the British stiff upper lip, all the heroes have names like Charlie, Montrose, Jock and even Skip whilst the opposition are just Japs, Nips, Jerry, Hun and so on and they go AAAAAIIIEEEE when they are blown up! Quite a lot of Arabs get killed as well!

That little one looks good Skip!

The full reality of war, great summer holiday reading!

The full reality of war, great summer holiday reading!

Yep! Battle Picture Library, there’s some more called Commando..all good stuff, derring do! Very realistic, the true horrors of the front!

Great Skip, you must be quite pleased with your haul

Not really I’ve not sold that lot from last year and I was trying to fish some porn out, a much better resale value but it was too far in! Can I come in and have a cup of tea!

No! Sorry Skip….you and your bin liner of old comics really do stink!

 

More skip related tomfoolery with Skip Hunter in next week’s edition of Bedford Bypass readers! Although I think a bit of professional help might be needed!

Emergency Stop

22 Dec

Yes!  taken from an email along with loads of others. In fact enough for me to post one every day for the next 11 days. There’s eleven! The lion looking at a man in a tent is good, and the one of…actually I won’t spoil things!

The formaldehyde rushing to the head!

The formaldehyde rushing to the head!

Charity…All in a good cause!

19 Nov

Don’t you just love charities? And we’ve just had our biannual opportunity to dress up for the children whilst looking forward to wearing our red noses again.

I’ve had a number of dealings over the last few months with a national UK charity that has a small presence in Bedford however one of the oddities is that the Bedford arm is a totally separate charity to the national head office as are all the other city versions so close on 30 individual charities using one name and a central charity effectively managing the copyright over how they use the name, with increasing force. Now to a degree this is understandable as it counts as “wounded limb” practice and by that I mean if one charity fails through lack of funding or whatever it doesn’t pose a liability to the others.

What exactly are you funding?

What exactly are you funding?

But it’s when you look closely at the accounts for both the HQ charity and then those doing the donkey work, something that I imagine not many people do then you start to realise that despite the collection tins, the very worthy cause, the legacies and substantial grants from bank related foundations (Lloyds being one) there’s a corporate structure that’s sapping money away from front line work, paying substantial salaries i.e. £40,000 for development workers and media hypes while someone in the trenches working with ex street addicts and people who have experienced trauma are getting by on £20,000 and in one case £12,500 for what, again having done the sums seems like approaching a 70 hour weekly working expectancy on an odd form of zero hours contract.

Back to the HQ charity. For the most recent set of accounts the charity took in over £2.5million all in a good cause. It kept most of this but was kind enough to give ££350,000 to the related field charities. It spent £1.8million maintaining its own operation of which the biggest slice, over £950k went on salaries and staff expenses like travel etc. It also took in £150,000 from the member charities and at which point the whole things becomes a very confusing mess with Peter paying Paul. But it’s all in a good cause.

How much goes to corporate structures?

How much goes to corporate structures?

There’s a similar situation happened in London lately with a much respected charity called St Mungo’s which you may recall is a homeless charity that has made much PR of its willingness to accept people from the streets with pets. They recently merged with a related charity Broadway, the Chief Exec got a £30,000 pay rise, made a seriously crass comment about them paying for quality by adding £5000 to the wages of HR advisors whilst slashing £5000 from the salaries of the new frontliners. Typical F**ked up way of thinking.

Back to the local charity which does sterling work and has much local support, like its counterparts it is managing on public goodwill but it seems that when it comes to grants it’s up against the national HQ which cannot survive without big semi corporate donations so that same dog eat dog “Apprentice” style of winning is evident. Unrest is fermenting and by copying the tactics of private enterprise it’s having to deal with all the negatives! And it’s all in a good cause!

Public relations disaster but the boss gets a £30,000 pay rise!

Public relations disaster but the boss gets a £30,000 pay rise!

A Spiffing Night Out in Glasgow

4 Aug

And after Saturday’s viewing of Night of the Demon I thought I’d never find TV as riveting again. How wrong I was. The Commonwealth Games totally eclipsed it. Topped and tailed by Lulu (Scottish) and Kylie (Australia via Wales) The two biggest stars were botoxed midgets but the real thing…Little Jimmy Krankie was nowhere to be seen. Awww!. Coincidence?

Casually observing while making casual observations I’m sure pint sized poppet Lulu was chomping on chewing gum whilst pint sized poppet Kylie’s headdress defied all health and safety rules and could easily have taken someones eye out. Royalty was initially represented by the fact that the keyboard  bloke from single hit single band Deacon Blue was a dead ringer for King George V although the real McCoy in the form of the Earl of Wessex although he’s getting to resemble Jeremy Hardy.  In fact, are they the same person?  After all, you never see them in the same room together.

A spiffing night out in Glasgow

A spiffing night out in Glasgow

I’d failed to make the Kylie connection..it’s because the next lot of games (not the Olympics) in 2018 will be down under. The Gold Coast to be exact. That said geographers will know that the Gold Coast used to be the name of the country now known as Ghana.  Therefore, to avoid confusion, The Gold Coast should change it’s name to the Surfing Coast or something. But back to jiggling Kylie she was rather flat..ooh er missus..no it was the Locomotion and then her most recent memorable hit from ten years ago. Good stuff for nostalgics. Or insomniacs..I was waiting for the news and the latest condemnation from the UN.  Can’t get it out of my head! To add a bit of edge, there should have been a live link up to Rolf Harris in his prison cell.  After all, he’s Australian and was a swimming champ before he came to Britain.  He could have given us a quick blast of “Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport”, after all his incarceration is costing the British tax payer a packet- he should pay his way a bit.  Actually, is he still an Australian citizen? if he is, couldn’t we send him over there to do his time? Bring back transportation! Never did Australia any harm and they get much better weather!

Everyone they asked said the same thing and I never want to hear the phrases “everyone’s been so friendly” and “Glasgow’s made us feel very welcome” again. And again. And again.  I can’t get it out of my head.  Chances are I won’t – need to now the games are over, they’ll all be back to their surly selves. The Commonwealth wall to keep the locals out of the way will come down and all the promised jobs will vanish but by that time we’ve twigged it’ll be the build up to Brazil, grinding poverty once again swept out of the way.   Chucking out time at the Glasgow stadium was a speedy affair and by the time the news came on the cleaners were in there looking for dropped money. I bet it was funny outside but they didn’t show this.

Traditional good quality Scottish music was represented at one point by the golden voice of Karen Mathieson from Capercaillie who I will admit to having liked since 1988 when as youngsters (as was I) they provided the music for a TV series called The Blood is Strong. I’ve traced my McClinton surname back to a loyal arm of the McDonald Clan crofting near the Kyle of Lochalsh (Speed Bonny Boat) but I consider myself as Scottish as the Isle of Wight. As the fireworks went off the crowd all seemed deliriously happy. I don’t think they could have coped with “Donald where’s your troosers”.  It would have blown their minds. I so missed the swinging Krankies though!

And so another day dawned and the descendents of all those responsible for first World War, those warmongers that stayed well out of the way  gathered to commemorate the fallen, those that didn’t start it, didn’t understand it and couldn’t get out of the way! It’ll be all over the TV for the near future in documentary’s starring Claire Balding!

Gill McC

Councillor misses a year of meetings..

1 Aug

Ever the sarcastic sods Bedford Bypass has gained a reputation for taking the micky over the state of Bedford Borough Council and the way that councillors spend their time.

In short each councillor gets an annual allowance of over £10,100 as a result of small numbers of people ticking a little box every five years. Then they get extra for taking on various positions of responsibility that are vital for public office to maintain itself, basically you get to be chairs of committee, Deputy this that and the other..that type of thing! The Mayor has singular powers but needs as far as possible to run a happy camp!

If you are one of the lucky few you get on the Mayors cabinet and bingo, house, jackpot, back of the net you can take home an additional £10,000 on top of the basic so you get retired teachers, practicing vicars and people that for whatever reason don’t actually work taking home over £21,000k for their kind commitment to public service. How grateful we are! Much better than being a care assistant and wiping some senile old arse for £16,200 wouldn’t you agree? But safe seats on the council are highly coveted to keep the riff raff out!

Servant and Master

Servant and Master, Labour and Lib Dem.

 To justify this ongoing tragi-comedy there are loads of committee’s some regular some sporadic, some which go on for hours and some which struggle to eek out 30 minutes. One such unexplainable meeting in Borough Hall is called the Sustainability Committee which meets I’d say four or five times a year. Not to be confused with the Environment Committee which talks about similar things for simalar lengths of time!

Cllr Shan Hunt is one of those councillors that has been on the Borough for decades, heroes to some, immovable fossils to others. Apart from four years in the political wilderness after being ditched by an unwashed uneducated Kempston electorate who should have known better she’s been a political force round here since 1986 and worth every penny of the £21,290 she received last year and the £69,658 total since she was voted in in 2011 by a staggering 652 people out of 2970 residents in her ward. That’s 21.95%, Alice suggests I round it up to 22%! I have done in support of Cllr Hunt’s public dedication. Shan is on the Sustainability Committee and has been so busy that she’s  she’s sent her apologies for not attending the last four meetings. In fact Shan hasn’t been able to add her wealth of knowledge to a Sustainability Meeting since January 2013 . Hopefully she will be able to make the next meeting this coming September 2014.