Tag Archives: RSPB

Life on Mars! We are Not Alone….or are we?

23 Jun

Yes readers your new look Bedford Bypass aims to be fourth or fifth with news! And we have a hot story with Bedford Bypass being the first bringing you an exclusive of sorts….or least exclusive as far as being the first low rate blog to repeat the story several days after the Daily Express!

It’s true….the NASA Curiosity Rover has sent back a number of intriguing images from Mars which certainly make you think that (to quote Star Trek) “We are not alone”.

Here’s the one that’s causing a fair bit of fuss and to give it its dues I can’t argue that its a pyramid shape. Some of the nationals have referred to it as a UFO. It’s not flying and its not particularly unidentified. Its a big rock and its stationary. So its not a UFO! But it looks good! And its got people going!

Well I'm convinced! That's a pyramid, no doubt about it!

Well I’m convinced! That’s a pyramid, no doubt about it!

But coming hot on the heels of the “pyramid” and the photo shown here has been rejigged a bit (not by us) as the original showed the whole thing to be on a slope and with a proposed scale of about 2cm, there’s more!

Later photo’s appear to show something that could at a push be said to show or at least intimate some kind of ancient settlement. Yes siree, enough evidence in vague lines, shapes and shadows to suggest hat while Mars may be devoid of life now, that may not always have been the case!

Now its all very subjective and some people might look at the image shown below and see something, others may not. And that;s the main problem, if you study the image long enough and if you really want to believe that we are not alone then it’s not hard to make shapes where they don’t exist! We were talking about last week at Bedford Skeptics in The Pub although we were talking about ghosts and not life on Mars so I don’t know why I mentioned this to be honest. Anyway, study the image! Be objective, don’t just “believe” this isn’t X Files, it’s a serious issue, are we the only form of sentient life in the universe, in fact do WE actually count as sentient life or are we merely fooling ourselves! (p.s. Does anybody understand what the fuck Agents of Shield on C5 (Fridays) is about, it started off straightforward but the went skyward…probably to Mars!

Lines in the sand!

Lines in the sand!

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Celebrate Mothers Day in Style

11 Mar

It’s Mother’s Day coming up so don’t forget! I’ve forgiven my Ma for putting me up for adoption and arranging for me to be shipped out from Liverpool to Manchester just as the Beatles and Merseysound was kicking off. Mind you I was in Manchester when punk happened so it all ended well!

If strapped for cash just cut and give to Ma!

If strapped for cash just cut and give to Ma!

Oedipus* liked his mum very much and to express his love he married her, killed his dad and then poked his own eyes out! Now that’s a bit extreme. Some flowers would do, maybe do the washing up, take her out for a garden centre Sunday lunch at that place near the landfill site! That sort of thing! (*from the set of Theban plays by Sophocles: Oedipus the King, Oedipus at Colonus, and Antigone**) ((*Not that I’ve read them I just nicked this bit from Wikipedia)) ((( When I say “this bit” I meant the bit about the set of Theban plays by Sophocles: Oedipus the King, Oedipus at Colonus, and Antigone))) Why has it come out in red?

Make your old lady feel special!

Make your old lady feel special!

Je Suis un Bypass

13 Jan

I haven’t really felt up to writing. There’s some reasonably funny stuff been half sketched out but given events in Paris last week things seemed trivial. We visit Paris quite regularly, most years in fact. We are quite comfortable there but like most cities you need a rough knowledge of how the city fits together and a dash of common sense. Police sirens puncture the air all through the day and I guess as they are quite different to UK sirens you tend to notice them a bit more!

But last weeks events left a hole in my ability to imagine. I’m not making any connection with Charlie Hebdo, I had heard of it and scanned through the odd copy mostly as a result of its printing of the Danish cartoons. I don’t understand religion and I certainly struggle with the whole concept of fundementalism, that point where everything you think, breath and do is based on texts from a thousand plus years ago!

The new edition of Charlie Hebdo will it seems carry on the tradition of having a go at those that need it and apart from a new cover of the Prophet if indeed he looked like that they are pointing out that many of those doing the Je Suis thing have never bought a copy and whose political views might be diametrically opposed to the contents!

It's pretty good this marching business what ho!

It’s pretty good this marching business what ho!

Here’s the line up of world leaders wandering round Paris and at the front of the march just so you don’t forget who’s the boss, Cameron is towards the end of the line and I couldn’t get an importable copy of the image with him in. Agadoo springs to mind, or that New York song with high kicks.What a complete load of despots and hypocrites the lot of them. Benyamin Netanyahoo (sic) is there next to the man with the hat, don’t mention the Israeli bombing of Gaza which also saw 17 journalists killed, Tunisia, Turkey drone drone drone! There’s some nameless bloke that seems to be trying to cop a feel of the equally nameless woman at the side, after all it is Paris! And in a week or so it’ll will be mostly forgotten apart from by those directly affected. Then something else will happen! Maybe in Nigeria where we can tut and turn over or maybe closer to home where we can connect to the horror and vicissitude of it all and you know what? I can see it getting a whole lot worse.

Anyway now that the mental block has been shoved aside myself and my increasingly small circle of chums (one has cleared off to Norwich) will be scribbling ideas down as of now!

Sleep in perfect peace!

1 Dec

Lower your stress through slumber offsetting.

 The world today is hectic big buzzing place and people from all classes are moving faster, more on call and busier than ever before. In this 24/7 lifestyle there are winners and losers and one of the losers are good manners. People don’t take the time to talk anymore and very often when they do interact it is brief and curt because they are tired. They are worn-out because they don’t get enough sleep and this results in an increase in global aggression and discourtesy not to mention road rage, honking and flashing lights as stressed people attempt to get somewhere four minutes faster . 

Our sleepy beds might look something like this!

Our sleepy beds might look something like this!

We at Bedford Bypass think we have a simple solution, more sleep. It is scientifically proven that we need sleep and it is a cliché that you can’t make up for lost sleep but we at Bypass HQ think you can. We recognise that this is not possible for everyone; the busy working mum, the stock broker and drug dealer must all struggle with sleeplessness. However just because they have a big sleep debit with the subsequent increase in tension in society this brings does not mean they have to be net friction contributors. Morally  you can still be on the side of the slumbering angels despite looking gaunt and distracted. This is our dream solution because we all know that time is money but money can be used to buy the time of others. It is easily possible to be money rich but sleep (and manners) poor, however the former can offset their slumber deficit by paying others to have a lie down on their behalf. In this way the global stress caused by sleep arrears can be lessened  and the BAD (Belligerent And Depressed) factor reduced. We call it unconsciousness raising.

We have a team of Specialist Tranquillity Technicians you can pay to sleep on your behalf whether this is a cat nap, siesta or full scale lie in Of course you can buy these for other people you think in need of extra sleep just let us know who they are for and we will e-mail them a certificate of slumber. The gift of sleep Of course this has the bonus of being carbon neutral as well. Gift Vouchers are available!

So please use us as your own personal Minister of Morpheus to be the unconscious angel to offsetting your sleeplessness. Each somnambulist specialist has their own sleep sphere and we will e-mail you a certificate of their doze when we feel energetic enough. You however can rest assured that we have fulfilled your slumber potential. Prices start at just £8.78 per hour for our Workfare team members and up to £24.17 for our fully qualified snooze Technicians. So email today for more details!

Charity…All in a good cause!

19 Nov

Don’t you just love charities? And we’ve just had our biannual opportunity to dress up for the children whilst looking forward to wearing our red noses again.

I’ve had a number of dealings over the last few months with a national UK charity that has a small presence in Bedford however one of the oddities is that the Bedford arm is a totally separate charity to the national head office as are all the other city versions so close on 30 individual charities using one name and a central charity effectively managing the copyright over how they use the name, with increasing force. Now to a degree this is understandable as it counts as “wounded limb” practice and by that I mean if one charity fails through lack of funding or whatever it doesn’t pose a liability to the others.

What exactly are you funding?

What exactly are you funding?

But it’s when you look closely at the accounts for both the HQ charity and then those doing the donkey work, something that I imagine not many people do then you start to realise that despite the collection tins, the very worthy cause, the legacies and substantial grants from bank related foundations (Lloyds being one) there’s a corporate structure that’s sapping money away from front line work, paying substantial salaries i.e. £40,000 for development workers and media hypes while someone in the trenches working with ex street addicts and people who have experienced trauma are getting by on £20,000 and in one case £12,500 for what, again having done the sums seems like approaching a 70 hour weekly working expectancy on an odd form of zero hours contract.

Back to the HQ charity. For the most recent set of accounts the charity took in over £2.5million all in a good cause. It kept most of this but was kind enough to give ££350,000 to the related field charities. It spent £1.8million maintaining its own operation of which the biggest slice, over £950k went on salaries and staff expenses like travel etc. It also took in £150,000 from the member charities and at which point the whole things becomes a very confusing mess with Peter paying Paul. But it’s all in a good cause.

How much goes to corporate structures?

How much goes to corporate structures?

There’s a similar situation happened in London lately with a much respected charity called St Mungo’s which you may recall is a homeless charity that has made much PR of its willingness to accept people from the streets with pets. They recently merged with a related charity Broadway, the Chief Exec got a £30,000 pay rise, made a seriously crass comment about them paying for quality by adding £5000 to the wages of HR advisors whilst slashing £5000 from the salaries of the new frontliners. Typical F**ked up way of thinking.

Back to the local charity which does sterling work and has much local support, like its counterparts it is managing on public goodwill but it seems that when it comes to grants it’s up against the national HQ which cannot survive without big semi corporate donations so that same dog eat dog “Apprentice” style of winning is evident. Unrest is fermenting and by copying the tactics of private enterprise it’s having to deal with all the negatives! And it’s all in a good cause!

Public relations disaster but the boss gets a £30,000 pay rise!

Public relations disaster but the boss gets a £30,000 pay rise!